The Walls Crumble
by Still Awesome2009
Summary: Dean watched the crimson liquid meander down his arm as he dragged the blade across his wrist. It was the only connection he had to his brother, the brother he swore to protect, but hurt so badly. Wee!Chester story.Limp Sam and Angsty Dean!
1. Chapter 1

Summary: They were just boys being boys, how could a simple joke be so close to claiming one son's life and crumbling the mental walls of the other. Will their family ever build the wall back it took so long to put up after Mary's death.

Dislaimer: I own absolutely nothing but the story idea, winchesters are the CW's

A/N: This idea shot into my head a few months ago but I failed to post it because of camp and now achool, but I finally got it up and I hope you all enjoy it.

* * *

**THE WALLS CRUMBLE**

**Chapter 1**

_I wanna be the very best, _

_Like no one ever was, _

_ To catch them is my real test, _

_ To train them is my cause,  
I will travel across the land,  
Searching far and wide,  
Each Pokemon to understand,  
The power that's inside_

Pokemon!  
It's you and me  
I know it's my destiny  
Pokemon!  
Ooh, you're my best friend  
in a world we must defend  
Pokemon!  
Our hearts so true  
our courage will pull us through  
you teach me and I'll teach you- 

**-Click!**

_Hey Tony! I like the things you do.  
Hey Tony! If I could I would be you.  
You're the one and only tiger, the one and only taste.  
You know how to take a breakfast and make it...GRrreat!  
__Frosted Flakes are more than good...they're –_

**-Click!**

_WILMA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

**Click!**

"DEAN, stop changing the channel every ten seconds," Sam yelled looking up from his pre-algebra homework. "Some people actually do their homework."

"Bryan did it for me in study hall. Maybe you should find someone to do your homework too." Dean said as he continued to flip through the channels.

"I don't need someone to do my homework because unlike you my encephalon isn't dead." Sam quipped smartly.

"Whatever Sam, stop being so lame. What the hell is an encephalon anyway?"

"I'm not lame dumbass, I have no crippling disfigurement, and an encephalon is what you never use because you don't o you homework." Sam said smartly.

"Whatever geek" Dean said brushing Sam off and continuing to flip through channels.

**Click!**

"_Ahh! After 10,000 years I'm free! It's time to conquer Earth!"_

_"Alpha, Rita's escaped! Recruit a team of teenagers, with attitude!"_

_  
__"GO GO POWER RANGERS!--__"_

**Click!**

"_Likes Sands Though the Hour Glass, So Are the Days of Our Lives"_

"Hey Sam look it's your favorite show." Dean teased

Sam looked up from his homework yet again to see a giant, spinning hour glass. "Dean if you wanna watch soap operas be my guess, just leave me alone."

"Man that Eric Brady sure is a handsome fellow, reminds me of myself. You remind me of that crazy blond chick, with your constant mood swings." Dean joked

Sam ignored Dean and continued to attempt understanding his word problems.

"You need to stop PMSing Sammy and have a little fun; not doing an assignment once in a while won't hurt you."

**Click!**

"_Welcome back to TRL Live our number one spot is once again 'MMMBop' for the sixth day in a row."_

"Sam, you really need to cut your hair before you look like those extremely unattractive girls."

"Dean is it even possible for you to let me do my work in peace…and I think those are guys' dude." Sam said looking up at the TV.

"Oh, well in that case I'm cutting your hair right now." Dean said getting up off the lumpy couch their father had found at _Goodwill_ and walked into the kitchenette of their latest apartment and started shuffling through the drawers for a pair of scissors. "Sam where are the scissors at?"

"I'm not telling you." Sam said continuing with his attempts of ignoring Dean.

"Oh never mind I found them." Dean said mockingly holding up a rather large pair of scissors."

"Get away from me with those!" Sam yelled as he jumped up and started to back away from his brother.

"Come on Sam, come to the dark side." Dean mocked lowering his voice an octave as his opened and closed the scissors and walked towards Sam.

"DAD!" Sam yelled as he continued to back away from Dean.

"You are such a tattletale Sammy."

"IT'S SAM!" he yelled as he bumped into the wall.

Dean opened the scissors around a lock of Sam's chestnut brown hair and started counting backwards. "3-2- 1 ½ - 1 ¼ - 1- ½ -"

Sam pushed his brother away and ran for his dad's bedroom. "Dad Dean's trying to cut my hair." Sam whined as he pushed his father's door open.

"DEAN!" Sam called out as he ran out of his father's room right into his big brother. "Dean?" Sam whispered as he crumpled to the ground held firmly in his brother's arms.

Dean sunk to the ground with his brother. "I'm so sorry/ I'm sorry." Dean cried as he looked down at his blood covered hands and scissors he tormented his brother with. "Oh god" Dean cried, he was covered in Sam's blood. _How did this happen? What do I do?_

"Dad?" Dean yelled

"He's not here…His room was empty." Sam murmured as he cried into his brother's shirt.

"Shhh…It will be all right am. I'll call an ambulance." Dean said as he fumbled with the cell phone in his pocket. "My brother…he needs help…There's so much blood…I have pressure on it…I stabbed him, I was an accident though…No, I took the scissor out…7461 Graces Road….Hurry!" Dean said shaking fingers ending the call and dropping the phone onto the carpet.

"SAM, stay awake baby." Dean coached as he teased with Sam's hair. "How's school? Is anyone harassing you, because I'll hold them while you get a few good hits in?"

Sam smirked, "School's fine, and no one is messing with me."

"Any girlfriends…oh, I mean girlfriend?"

"No, no one talks to new kids remember?" Sam said and he held on tighter to Dean's shirt through the pain.

"Guess we fixed that problem. Chicks love scars." Dean said as he pressed harder on the wound that was still bleeding profusely. "What do you think Sammy?"

Sam tried to concentrate on Dean. He saw his mouth moving, but all he heard was garbled noises…and why was it so cold? "Dean. I don't f-f-feel so g-good."

"Don't worry the paramedics will be here soon, I can hear them." Dean said as he picked up on the distance wail of the sirens, he hoped, prayed that they were coming to help Sammy.

"Dad's gonna b-be mmmad at mmmmme, isn't he? S'always mmad at me." Sam shivered as the chills and tremors of shock passed through his gangly frame.

"Of course not, if anything he will be beyond pissed at me. You know the deal Sammy. 'Dean why were you threatening Sam,' 'Dean why didn't you stop time and-" Dean stopped as he heard someone knocking at the door. "I'll be back Sammy." Dean said as he laid Sam down on the floor and ran to the door.

"He's this way." Dean said as he ran back to his baby brother with the paramedics behind him.

"He's losing a lot of blood. What's his blood type?"

Dean thought back to past hunts where Sam gave Dean some blood after a werewolf attacked him. "O negative, Sam and I have the same blood type." Dean said.

"Ey Charley, kid's not responding." A woman said to the man talking to Dean.

Charley immediately turned around and put pressure on the wound as he called Sam's name trying to get any response possible, 'ouch' 'stop that' 'what' 'fudge sticks', right now they didn't care they just needed something. "Check his BP, we need him stable for transport but right now I'm thinking anything would be great." Charley told the woman as he got up and prepared the gurney for Sam.

"The kid's all over the place Charley. We need to get him to the hospital stat. The scissors look like they hit something vital." She said as her and Charley lifted Sam onto the gurney and ran out the doors of the apartment leaving the stunned 18 year old alone on the now crimson carpet of the hallway.

_I killed Sam. He's going top die. He lost __too much blood. The EMT said 'something vital.' I'm going to lose my baby brother,_ Dean thought. Dean looked at the bloody scissors in his hand. _I can't be alone. I need Sammy with me. _Dean held the scissors to his wrist. He needed a physical connection to his brother. Dean slowly dragged the blade across his wrist, holding back tears he knew wanted to fall. "Now Sammy and I are together forever. I didn't mean it Sammy, I'm so sorry. I, I love you, don't go." Dean cried.

Dean watched the crimson liquid meander down his arm. It was the most surreal moment he ever experienced, like a release. Dean started running the scissors down his arm again, pain no longer pummeled his heart, tortured his soul. "It's okay Sammy, you and me, we'll be together forever. Mom will be there too. She was beautiful; I can't wait for you to see her. Her eyes held the same light as yours." Dean rocked on the back and forward on the floor, cradling the scissors, his connection to Sam.

"Dean?" John yelled as he bent down next to his bloody son. H was mumbling nonsense.

"I didn't mean to do it. I'm sorry." Dean whispered as a single tear made a river down his cheek.

"I don't have time fore this. DEAN?" John yelled again as he put pressure on the cuts on Dean's wrists. "We got to go to the hospital to get these cuts checked out. Where is Sammy, Dean?" John questioned as he guided Dean off the floor.

"I didn't mean to hurt him. He bleeds so much. 'Something vital'" John listened to his eldest's babbling, and all of a sudden it made sense.

"Come on Dean, got to get you to the hospital before you bleed to death." John said as he guided Dean out the door.

"No, don't deserve it. I killed my baby brother. Too much blood to still be alive." John shook his head. His family was falling apart and his son was mentally deteriorating in front of his own eyes. "I'm sorry Dad." Dean said as he collapsed into the passenger seat of the Impala.

* * *

So this is the first chapter of my new story hope it grabbed your attention. Reviews are welcomed by anybody; I accept anonymous reviews so don't be scared to share your opinion. 


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: They were just boys being boys, how could a simple joke be so close to claiming one son's life and crumbling the mental walls of the other. Will their family ever build the wall back it took so long to put up after Mary's death.

Dislaimer: I own absolutely nothing but the story idea, winchesters are the CW's

A/N: Sorry the chapter took so long, I tend to stress myself out (not with fanfics, classes and techers and sports) so I took a little mini hiatus from writing but I'm back and relaxed. I even wrote a longer chapter as a constellation for the wait.

* * *

Chapter Two

John had never been so scared in his life. He never expected to come home and find his son sitting in a puddle of blood, slicing his wrist. Mary would have never let this happen. Now, here John sat beside his oldest son. Never in his life did he ever have to do something so painful as to put his son on suicide watch.

"Mr. Winchester?"

John turned around to see Dean's nurse. "Yes"

"Your other son, Samuel is out of surgery. They wanted to meet with you in the conference room after they get him settled in his room."

"Is he okay?" John asked, knowing that if they had scheduled a conference it had to be terrible.

"I don't know sir, I'm sorry. I'll be back later to take you to the conference room."

"What about Dean? Will he be okay?" John said as he looked at the soft restraints around his son's thickly bandaged arms.

"I don't know that answer either Mr. Winchester. It really is up to him. Dean's Post-Traumatic Stress is pretty serious, he feels responsible for what happened, but the doctors think that if his brother is okay; having him here will take him out of his cationic state, his personal bubble, so to speak." She said as she took Dean's vitals. "They should be about ready to go, how about I just take you to the conference room now?"

* * *

John was already seated in the conference room when two doctors walked in. "Mr. Winchester?" John nodded his head motioning them to continue. "I'm Doctor Kirkland and this is Doctor Lang." He said motioning to a petite woman with long black hair and chestnut eyes. "She will be Dean's psychiatrist when he snaps out of it, so to speak." 

"What about Sam, he's not…" John couldn't bring himself to say it, but the doctor seemed to understand. "No, no sir."

"Then what's going on?" He asked

"Samuel," _Oh god this will be bad,_ "lost a lot of blood from the stab wound, and as we went into surgery we were almost completely blind to the damage caused, but we had to operate or he was going to die anyway."

John took in what the doctor was saying, trying to remain calm through the doctor's bluntness.

"Sam was stabbed in a very peculiar way. And that made it difficult. The entrance point was the left abdominal cavity, and the spleen and stomach were impaled. From what we got out of your oldest son before he started panicking, if Sam would have turned the other way Samuel could have died on scene. I have some pictures on the puncture I would like to use to explain his condition if you don't mind, I know a lot of parents don't want to see the young ones like that?" John nodded giving his approval.

"Okay, as you can see this is the entrance, notice how ragged it appears. I believe the weapon was a pair of scissors?" Another nod, "From the way this looks I believe that the scissors were open during entry and closed inside. This is how we lost the spleen. Luckily the stomach puncture was fixable."

"So Sam no longer has a spleen?" John asked holding his emotions at bay.

"No, sadly it ruptured from the physical trauma. But your son does have some angels Mr. Winchester because to tell you the truth I wasn't sure he could survive." Doctor Kirkland said trying to show John how lucky his son was.

"What about his stomach?" You said it was punctured." John asked

"He was very lucky in all senses of the word. We were able to suture it up with no other problems. We're just going to keep a look out for infection, especially with the lack of a spleen." The doctor paused to look John straight in the eyes." Without Samuel's spleen he is more susceptible to infection, clots, and blood poisoning. So it is extremely vital that you listen to what I am about to say…We gave Sam the required immunizations for a splenectomy before surgery, but beyond that Sam is going to be on a copious amount of medication for years to come. Vaccinizations need to be scheduled periodically and before leaving the country. Beyond that I want you and Sam to be constantly aware that tic bites and animal bites need to watched for. And I don't mean to be blunt, but being idle with these can potentially kill Samuel. Do you have any questions?"

John was horrified, this wasn't supposed to happen. He couldn't have been that absorbed in hunting that his sons were this far gone could he? "May I see him?"

The doctor nodded, "Anesthesia will have him out for a while, but you can see him. I'll take you too his room. His room is private; we didn't want him to get an infection in the ICU." He said as he guided John down the hallways of the hospital.

"When do you think Sam will be able to see Dean?" John questioned.

"Once his antibiotics get in his systems and his vaccinations are completed, Doctor Land and I are fine with putting Dean and Sam into the same room." Doctor Kirkland stopped and turned to John. "It is vital that you keep your hands clean as possible. Sanitize your hands before and after entering and exiting the room." He said as he used the hand sanitizer dispenser on Sam's door.

"How long do you think it will take for Sam to recover doctor?" John asked as he sat down in the chair next to his baby boy's bed.

"I am aiming for three weeks for him to be out of the hospital, but if he needs more time or god forbid he has a set back it may be longer. But it will take far longer for him to recover completely." Doctor Kirkland said as he checked Sam's vitals and recorded them in his chart. "I'll be out of your way in a second."

"Before you go, I have another question." The doctor nodded as he stopped in the door frame. "I know I already asked, but do you know exactly when Dean can be moved into Sam's room?"

"Tomorrow afternoon, Sam should be finished with his vaccinations and he'll have the antibiotics in his system. Goodnight Mr. Winchester, I'll be back in the morning to check on Sam" Kirkland said as he disappeared down the hallway leaving John with his rebellious, naïve baby boy.

* * *

John woke up some hours later to find Dr. Kirkland looking between Sam's stats and his stitches. "Dr. Kirkland? Is something the matter?" 

"Oh John, sorry I didn't mean to wake you." John glared at Kirkland, a silent order to give up and explanation.

"The truth is I'm not really sure John. I sent a few blood samples and test to the lab. His blood pressure isn't normal and his temperature is slightly elevated. We started him on stronger antibiotics just to be safe, if anything is strange have me paged." John nodded as he looked down at his son. He was engulfed in wires, monitors, and that hideous nasal cannula. "John don't worry they'll be okay. I won't accept anything other than that." Kirkland said

"What's wrong with his stitches?" John asked as Kirkland pulled the sheets back over Sam.

"Nothing actually, their uninfected, which to be honest disturbs me a little bit?"

"You said he didn't need set backs, so isn't that a good thing?" John asked confused by the doctor.

"It's a great thing John, but the fever and BP is throwing me in quite a loop. I'm really hoping every test comes back negative." Doctor Kirkland said looking at the pale boy. "I really hate seeing kids with as much life and promise as Sam suffer like this."

"Yeah, me too" John said as he lovingly moved a lock of hair out of Sam's face. The kid needs a haircut; he's starting to look like Shaggy. "Has Doctor Lang had any lead way with Dean? I know it hasn't even been twenty-four hours, but anything is something right?"

"r. Lang has been trying very hard John, but she can't relate to him like you and Sam. She recommends that you talk to him about Sam, until Sam can talk to Dean for himself."

"I will go right now. I haven't seen him since last night." Dr. Kirkland nodded before leaving.

* * *

John had been sitting with Dean for about an hour; he didn't know what to say or to do around him. What was he suppose to say? He had stabbed his brother; he thinks he killed his brother. "Dean, hey son." John cleared his throat 

"They said you and Sam could see each other tomorrow. They said he's doing really well. You know Sammy…" John heard the monitor staccato a little, and looked down to see Dean starring at him. His eyes were vacant, but it still lifted his low spirits. "Sammy's a fight, he won't give up."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there, I should have been…You boys are all I have, and now I could lose you both for my stupidity" John took a shallow breath. "Just snap out of it Dean, Sam needs you, this family needs you."

John watched as Dean closed his eyes and his heart rate leveled out.

"So did you get him to respond at all?" John turned around to see Dr. Lang standing behind him.

John gave her a small nod, "He opened his eyes and his heart rate went up a little when I was talking about his brother."

"That's good."

"I don't know what to say to him." John huffed, frustrated with his lack of conversational skills.

"A lot of people don't. And you know what I tell them?" John turned tired eyes to her. "I tell them to say what is on their mind. Just because you don't know what to say, doesn't mean you don't have something to say Mr. Winchester. If you can't talk about Sam, talk about the weather."

"I'll try it, but I don't know if he'll listen, he is not into that heart-to-heart, touchy feely awkward crap."

"I'd be surprised if he was, young men usually aren't. I'll be back to check on you men later."

John watched as she left, trying to slow his thoughts enough to verbalize what he was going to say.

"That was Doctor Lang, Dean. She's a wise woman. Told me I should talk to you about the weather…It stopped raining a while ago. Should see it, giant puddles everywhere, like when we lived in North Carolina few years back, when you and Sammy were shorter than the door knobs. I remember you boys playing in those puddles. Sam splashing water all over the place, laughing and smiling, and it just happened to be the day I bought the both of you boys' clothes... And you know how much Sammy loved that Batman t-shirt I bought him. He just had to where it as soon as he got home. Well, needless to say it was soaked and dirty by the end of your little game. I was pissed because when you boys came back inside Sam was shaking like a leaf. Poor kid had that nasty bug for two weeks." John was laughing as he remembered how much Sammy resembled a stray, wet dog that day. "Kid was miserable, bored out of his mind. Even started watching the news, and every time you came home from school or I came home from work he would ask so many questions, _what does 'precipitation' mean? Is the President really a red, white, and blue elephant? What is the stock market? Is it like the grocery store, because I want to try DOW?_ Kid was so damn curious." John's smile faded as he remembered how sick Sam looked now. "I'll be back in a little bit Dean, got to go check on Sammy for a little while, make sure he isn't talking the doctor's ear off." John said as he got up and walked out of the room.

"Sammy? Don't go Dad…" Dean whispered as he blinked his eyes and looked around the room. "Sammy?" Dean yelled seeing the empty room. He was alone. He killed Sammy. "Nooooooooooooo!"

Dean was frantic now. He didn't even notice when world war three erupted around him and doctors tried to hold him down to further restrain him. "Stop! Sammy!" Dean was beyond panic.

"Give him something to calm him down, before he pulls his stitches." Dr. Lang said as she tried to get Dean's attention. "Doctor please find his father."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," were the last panicked words that left his mouth before unwanted darkness took him into the arms of unconsciousness.

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Hope you all enjoyed my little cliff hanger, and as always comment ( anonymous too) so don't be shy. Hope you all enjoyed the chapter 


	3. Chapter 3

Summary: They were just boys being boys, how could a simple joke be so close to claiming one son's life and crumbling the mental walls of the other. Will their family ever build the wall back it took so long to put up after Mary's death.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing but the story idea, Winchesters are the CW's

A/N: Sorry the chapter took so long, I have no excuses except laziness and a minor computer malfunction sadly. but I'm back.Yeah!

* * *

**Chapter Three**

John sat down by Sam's bed, he just couldn't figure out where his boys' childhoods had gone. The pain and months of loneliness Dean went through after Mary's death. He didn't say a word to anyone, but Sammy for three years. And now, he's right back where he was way back when, behind his own protective barrier, locked out until he decides to snap out of it. And Sammy, he thought nothing would ever be as painful as telling a three year old why he doesn't have a mommy. How wrong he was, because the here-and-now is proof, because being told your son can be taken down by a little cold or simple cut that hurt like hell and John could do anything about it.

"Hey Sammy, how you doing?" John said as he ran his hand over Sam's. "Your brother was worried sick." John swallowed, "you had me worried too."

"Mmmmm, sorry… dad" Sam murmured before he shifted and continued to sleep.

"Don't be, it's my own fault, it's my fault what happened to you and to your brother. I want to tell him every thing is going to be all right, but the simple truth is things will never be the same." John said as the image of Sam and Dean in the ER appeared in his mind. "For awhile I thought I had died and went to hell when they told me what happened. Hell, I think my heart might have stopped when I realized I wasn't dead. And this was real."

John took a deep breath, trying to control his emotions, "Sammy, you need to get better real soon okay, before I have to have your brother committed."

"That might happen sooner than you think Mr. Winchester." John turned around to see a short man at the door. "Mr. Winchester, Dean woke shortly after you left the room and he was very… agitated."

"What do you mean by 'agitated'?" John asked scared Dean might have pulled his stitches or became violent.

"He just woke up screaming for his brother and mumbling nonsense about killing him and begging you for forgiveness, but sir we need you down there with him to calm him down."

"It's okay dad I'll be fine." John looked over his shoulder at his youngest as he began to shake to sleep off.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

"Mr. Winchester, sorry to take you away from your other son, but the way Dean woke up, it concerns me." Doctor Lang started. "And I just have to ask… what is actually did you talk to Dean about earlier?"

"I just followed your advice, talked about the weather, but who would have guessed that little subject would have turned into such a catalyst for Dean?"

"Would you mind elaborating, I really want to figure this out?" she said as she sat down across from John and gave him her undivided attention.

"I started out just talking 'bout puddles, and how it reminded me about when we lived in North Carolina a few years back. He and Sam were playing outside in the puddles after a little shopping. I still remember what they were wearing that day, you know? Dean, he was wearing some hand-me-down blue jeans and raincoat, didn't need a lot it was a nasty, sticky rain. And Sammy, he was wearing a silly batman shirt bought him, Dean begged me to keep it after Sam's growth spur. He keeps it in a box under his bed. Anyway, Sam wasn't wearing a coat and he ended up with pneumonia. Dean blamed himself, but Sam he went along acting as if nothing was wrong asking questions left and right as inquisitive as ever. You know that's probably one of the only memories I have of them acting like kids. They just grew up way to fast after their mother's death." John said as he forced a cough and wiped his eyes as if nothing was wrong.

"Thank you John that was all I needed. I'll let you get back to Sam, but expect my page later. I might need your help with Dean."

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

John had been walking the halls of the county hospital for almost fifteen minutes, torn between one son and another. Who should he sit with, his emotionally unstable eldest son, his first born or his sick and pained baby boy? John couldn't decide, it was impossible, no matter where he goes he feels as if he is abandoning one of his sons. "God help me" John sighed as he sat down in the waiting room.

"Excuse me, John." Dr. Kirkland said as he walked in front of John and sat down. "Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?" John shook his head half-heartedly and motioned for him to continue talking.

"Sam's results came back positive, he has an infection. Luckily it was caught before it became a severe case of sepsis or something far more dangerous and lethal."

"Thank you for telling me, if you'll excuse me, I need to make a phone call." John said as he got up and walked to the payphone lined wall of the waiting room in ICU, and inserted change in an unoccupied pay phone and dialed the number he knew by heart.

"Hey Bobby, how's it going?" John said in a lack-luster voice.

_John what's wrong? Is it the boys?_

"Yeah, the boys had an accident." John said as he ran his hand over his face.

_What type of accident John, please don't let it be a hunting accident John._

"No, Dean…he um, he stabbed Sammy." John stuttered out.

_Is Sammy okay, how did this happen, that ridiculous training? What?  
_

"No, Bobby I swear I just went out to change the oil in the truck and I heard an ambulance a couple of minutes later, then I saw Sammy on a gurney being straddled, surrounded by a mob of EMTs. I didn't see Dean anywhere so I went back up to the townhouse and he was just sitting there rocking quietly, mumbling and ranting about killing Sammy and not wanting to live anymore. And he slit his wrist with the pair of scissor that impaled Sam."

_John I'm gonna be there in about three hours, you can't do this alone._

"No, Bobby you really don't have to come."

_John you know I love those boys like they are my own sons._

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, see you when you get here." John hung up the phone and continued pacing the hallways searching for a solution for his boys' ailments, when it came to him. John immediately jumped up and went to the nurses' desk asking the charge nurse if he could page Doctor Kirkland for him.

"He's on his way if you can wait over there." He said as he pointed to the empty waiting area of the PICU.

"No need John, I'm here. What's the emergency?" Doctor Kirkland said as he came to a halt in front of John.

"Well I was thinking that maybe I could bring something in for Sam."

"Depends, what were you planning on bringing?" He asked lifting his eyebrow questioningly.

"His brother's leather jacket, just so he'll be more comfortable, feel safer, he really hates hospitals."

"I see no problem with that as long as it isn't something horridly unsanitary, like it has dog feces or something on it."

"Great, thank you. I'll be back within the hour. And doctor a man should be coming here in a few hours. His name is Bobby Singer, he's the boys' uncle, and he has my permission to stay with them."

"I'll inform the charge nurse at the desk, Good day Mr. Winchester." Dr. Kirkland said as he turned and left.

SPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPNSPN

John pulled into a parking space outside his town house putting it in park and taking the keys from the ignition, before locking the doors and running into the town house he left unlocked in the rush to get to the Emergency Room.. The first thing John saw when he walked in was the bloodied carpet where Dean sat when John discovered him so many hours ago. John felt himself being hypnotized by Sam's blood on the carpet. If I was a better father Sam and Dean wouldn't be where they are now, they wouldn't have had such a damn near nonexistent childhood, and John would still have his little boys, not his perfect soldiers.

John shook the thoughts from his head; he needed to get what he came for. John averted his eyes from the crimson hypnotist and walked into Dean's room, a laid belly down on the floor in front of Dean's bed. _Thank god I told him to clean his room._ John thought as he lifted the covers and blankets exposing the shoe box labeled 'My brother Batman,' he couldn't help but smile as he took the shoe box and opened it revealing a neatly folded boy's shirt with Batman on the chest, running his hands over the distant memory before replacing the lid and getting up. John continued his hunt and he went to Dean's closet and grabbed the leather jacket, before leaving the room, the town house, and the haunting memory.

**…**

John sat in the parking lot with the box and the leather jacket praying that these tiny mementos were enough to bring his boys back from the brink of their illnesses , and more importantly the brink of growing up, because god knows it shouldn't have took this for him to realize his boys needed a childhood, not a boot camp. John sent one last prayer out before he exited the car and enter the PICU. As John walked toward Sam's room he saw Dr. Kirkland closing the door. "Doctor Kirkland!"

"John? You're back?" Dr. Kirkland said as he walked toward John.

"Is something wrong with Sam?" John asked concerned as to why he was coming out of Sam's room.

"No, on the contrary, Sam's antibiotics seem to be helping and things are looking up, for Sam getting out of PICU and into a private room with his brother."

"That's good…I got the jacket, I was just going to give it to Sam." John said showing Kirkland the folded leather.

"Don't let me hold you up. Go see your son." Kirkland said smiling at John.

"One other thing doctor, Can you page Dr. Lang for me."

Kirkland nodded and waiting away. John grabbed some hand sanitizer as he waved thank you to the doctor and walked into Sam's room, closing the door behind him.

"Hey Sammy, I bought you something. Figured Dean would want you to have it." John whispered in Sam's ear as he unfolded the leather and laid it across Sam's chest and placed his arms on top.

John watched as Sam pulled himself closer to the jacket and breathed in his brother's scent. "Dean" Sam breathed as he turned to snuggle further into the comfort of the jacket.

"I knew you wouldn't have it any other way baby boy." John said pushing Sam's chestnut hair back and kissing his forehead. "You're going to be just fine, Mary won't let you leave Dean and I, not anytime soon."

"You're a good father Mr. Winchester." John turned around to see Dr. Lang in the door. "Doctor Kirkland said you wanted to speak with me."

"Yeah, I was going to ask if you could give this to Dean, but I think I should do it myself."

Doctor Lang looked at the box, smiling at the words written on it. "It's the Batman shirt you told me about. You really think it will help?"

"Dean's jacket helped Sammy, look at him." John said motioning to his son.

"Okay, if you're ready we can go now." John nodded and followed her to Dean's room.

"Could you wait outside a minute I think I should do this in private. Dr. Lang nodded and left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Hey Dean, I just came from you brother's room. I gave him your jacket, should see how he just snuggled up to it like he does with you when he sick. I figured if it worked for him, maybe Sammy's Batman shirt would work for you. I know how much you love it, begged me not to give it to the Salvation Army." John took the shoe box and put it under Dean's bed. "I put it under your bed, just like at home. So, you know Sam's always close to you." John took a breath and he thought of how he was going to say this next part. "I know you don't like these…what do you call them, "Chick Flick Moments," but I love you son, Sammy loves you, so don't you dare go all psycho on us, your brother needs you. And just so you know, Sammy doesn't blame you, so don't you blame yourself." John said as he tucked his son in and grabbed his hand in both of his, taking a moment to gather his warmth before kissing his hand and laying it across his son's heart. "And I know you know this in there too."

* * *

**A/N:** Expect a chapter by the end of December for this story if all goes as plan. As for my other story 'Come Home Soon' expect an update the week before Christmas or the weekend of. And as always reviews are welcomed by everyone included those without accounts. And happy holidays

P.S.: this is a repost, I had a lot of grammer and spelling mistakes and they were taunting me, I swear, It's so annoying, when your looking at your story and your like 'I can't believe I made THAT mistake.'


	4. Chapter 4

Summary: They were just boys being boys, how could a simple joke be so close to claiming one son's life and crumbling the mental walls of the other. Will their family ever build the wall back it took so long to put up after Mary's death.

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing but the story idea, Winchesters are the Kripke's and the CW's

A/N: Sorry the chapter took so long, didn't keep my promise, but I did decide to go back and tweek the last to chapters which by now have been delete and rewrited into this chapter along with a new chapter. It made more since to me. So read, review, send chocolate. It's all good.

**Chapter Four**

Dr. Lang had met a lot of people working in the hospital, but none of them as amiable as the Winchesters. It broke her heart to see John and those boys in the current situation. She really thought those boys would be all right after Dean and Sam were in the same room, but now she wasn't so sure. Sam had developed a nasty infection according to Dr. Kirkland and his body was putting up one hell of a fight trying to fight it off. And Dean, sure he was no longer catatonic, but the guilt was eating him alive

_Knock. Knock._

"Come in!" Dr. Lang yelled from his chair. John had wanted to meet with her. He had his own problems, and something told her that he wasn't the type of man to accept help easily.

"Hey Doc, I really have to thank you for talking to me. I know how high your price is."

"John I'm happy to do this. You have a lot on your plate right now and something tells me you need this talk." Dr. Lang said sympathetically, "So, shoot."

"I just don't know what to do." John had just broken down. She couldn't believe this seeming strong man had done this. "I love those boys, I can't lose them. And I know if I lose one I might as well lose both. What do I do? Tell me!"

"I know you need answers John, but I'm not the person you should be asking. "The only thing I can say is prey John, god works in mysterious ways."

"GOD! You think god left a six month old baby and his four year old brother without a mother for a reason. You think god, would take everything from us, from me. It's hard being a single parent. I have no idea what I'm doing Dr. Lang."

"John, they're going to be okay, and you need to stop stressing yourself out. And as for god, your sons are that and that is a lot to be thankful for, and don't you ever doubt that."

"You sound like Mary. Every time I complained about work she would take a frying pan to my head, trying to knock some since into me. "

"I think I would like your wife. She sounds like my kind of person." Dr. Lang said with a smile.

"Yeah, I amazed me how good of a mother she was. She tucked Dean and Sam in every night, told them angels were watching over them, and sung to each of them."

"Sounds amazing, but I want to know about you John."

"Me, I'm not half as good of a parent as Mary, if this is just between you and me, when Sam and Dean would have bad dreams I could never comfort them, I didn't have a clue how." John laughed halfheartedly.

"John I've seen you with those boys, and you'd be surprised with how good a father you are." She nodded. "John I have to go check on Dean, its noon, care to join me."

"I couldn't refuse if I wanted to, he is my son, or so I've been told" Dr. Lang laughed.

OOOOO

Dean lay in his bed; he had been watching his brother restlessly sleep for hours. He just wanted Sam to wake up, so he could apologize. After all it was his fault Sam was here to begin with. Sam was perfectly healthy before he decided to play a joke on Sam, and now an infection Sam should have been able to fight this, but because of him Sam was burning up with fever, and struggling to hold on.

Dean wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to die. Sammy didn't need him anyway. God, Dean hated emotions. It was the only thing he couldn't control. "I'm sorry Sammy." Dean cried, tears forming in him ducts as he tried with all his might to keep them at bay.

"Dean?" Dr. Lang said, "May I come in?"

Dean turned to see his doctor, and then he turned away. It wasn't that he didn't like her. It was that he didn't deserve anyone caring for him. He nodded though.

"Dean I want you to tell me about your self-esteem." She said looking in his eyes, "I know it's usually a girl's subject, but I think you're struggling with it, and it concerns me."

"They're all I live for, you know? I don't know if I could go on living if Sammy died…and I feel so selfish for that, because if me and Sammy both are gone, my dad wouldn't be any more likely to go on than I. And that scares me."

Dean was usually pliable in their sessions, so she figured he was getting somewhere. "Dean…"

"Most people would think I do, Dad and Sam, but I avoid looking at myself in the mirror every time I go into a bathroom, I sicken myself. " Dean muttered angrily.

Dr. Lang couldn't help but watch the young man before her; he was so vulnerable and guilty over things he shouldn't feel guilt over. "Dean, I want to do some confidence affirmations. They're declarations about you. They concentrate on the good, and push the bad aside. Every day, I want you to say them in the mirror. We will do the first couple together." She said motioning to the mirror on the wall over the sink. "Repeat this to yourself out loud in the mirror 'I am Dean Winchester and I am a handsome young man.'" Dean stared at her like she had three heads, "Come on say it, I'm not leaving until you do."

"I'm Dean Winchester and I am a handsome young man." Dean said dispassionately

"Good Dean, but when I come back this afternoon, I want it to sound like you mean it, okay?" She said with raised eyebrows. He nodded. "Your dad's waiting outside, so I going to leave now." She said as she walked out the door and motioned to someone on her left it was okay to come in.

OOOOO

John and Dr. Kirkland had been talking about Sam's condition when Dr. Lang came out of the room and sent the okay to go in. John nodded and they both when in the room to see Dean going back to his bed, as if he was afraid of his shadow.

"Morning Dean." John said

"Hey dad." Dean said as he continued to stare at Sam as the doctor checked on him.

"So what did you and Dr. Lang talk about today?" Dean shrugged. That wasn't what John wanted from the boy, but Dean would tell him when he was ready.

"So, Dr. Kirkland, how is Sam today?" John said knowing Dean needed some reassurance.

"Better, his breathing is still pretty good, not great, but good and his fever is down to 100.1 degrees. His sight infection is looking a lot better to, not so red today. I'll give it three more to get out of his system completely."

"That's good, that's good. " John said as he turned his attention back to Dean, "See Dean your brother is going to be just fine, no worries."

_Yeah no worries._ Dean thought as he turned back to his brother.

OOOO

Dean sat in front of the mirror, everything in him wanted him to be able to say those simple words, and mean them, but there was always another side. The side that, that told him he wasn't worth a hill of beans. "Why is this so hard for me?"

"Dean? What's hard for you?"

Dean turned around and looked at Sammy, he still looked a little delirious, but at least he was awake. Now all Dean had to do was apologize.

"It's nothing Sammy, go back to sleep." Dean said, before he cursed at himself for losing his chance once again.

"Dean?" Sam said again

"Yes, Sammy?"

"You'd never lie to me, would you?"

"Of course not, you're my brother. Dad, that's a different story." Dean said as he faked his signature grin.

"Will you tell me what is hard then?"

Dean sighed; he knew Sam wasn't going to let this go. "Um…I have to do affirmations, Sammy. My doctor thought it would help."

Dean listened as Sam's breathing sped up. "Dean, you aren't dying, are you? I'll miss you if you're gone." Sam gasped between sobs and tears. "Please don't leave; I don't want to be alone. You're my best friend."

"Sammy…I, I'm not dying. When I said doctor I meant my psychiatrist. Don't worry though; I'm not crazy, just a little broken."

"Like our toy soldiers?" Sammy said innocently.

"Exactly like the toy soldiers Sammy."

"Can I help fix you?" Sam said.

Dean knew Sam was struggling, health wise, but he could never deny his kid brother anything when he made those eyes. "Sure, Sammy, but let me come over there, okay?" He nodded.

Dean lay next to Sam on the bed with a small mirror. "All you got to do is compliment yourself, At least that's what it sounds like… see, watch" Dean looked into the mirror, he knew he couldn't mess this up, not in front of Sam. "I am Dean Winchester and I am a handsome young man."

"Oh, so I would say…I am Sam Winchester and I'm a good person." Dean nodded, "It's your fault." Dean paused, fear wrapping itself around his heart.

"Sammy…I d-didn't mean. I-I was just playing around with you. I didn't mean to do this to you." Dean said exasperatedly. He wasn't angry at Sam, but at himself. "Sam, I'm…I'm just…sorry, I'm a horrible brother."

"Dean, what are you talking about? You're the best big brother. It's your fault that I'm a good kid. God only knows what'd I'd be without you….God only knows what this family would be without you." Sam said smiling at his brother.

"Sam..I don't know what to say." Dean said as he swiped the tears from his eyes and gave Sam a bear hug. All most instantaneously Sam's monitors started blaring. "Sam?"

"Dean…m-my…it hurts." Sam murmured into Dean's shoulder.

"Hush, Sam, it's all right the doctors are going to make you better." Dean said as he tried to remain calm. He didn't want to make Sam nervous, but the kid looked worst than hell and felt like he was in standing in the fires of hell.

OoOoOoO

Dr. Kirkland was in his office eating lunch when his pager went off. He half wanted to ignore it and half wanted to throw it away, but he cared about his patients well being why too much to be that evil. Dr. Kirkland ran across the room, grabbed his pager, and ran from the room.

_Damn it, Sam can't have these setbacks, kid was already suffering._

Dr. Kirkland made record time getting to Sam's room. "Dean, can you move back a little? I need to check Sam." He yelled as he ran into the room.

Dean leaped from the bed and watched as Dr. Kirkland checked Sam's vitals. "Sam…Sam?" He yelled as the kid ignored him.

"He said something hurt. He didn't say what though." Dean shouted over Dr. Kirkland's shoulder.

The doctor pulled back the bedding and lifted the hospital gown. _Oh God…_

Dr. Kirkland tried to save his panic at seeing the child's bruised abdomen. He pressed the call button on the phone and paged the nurse's station, "I need a CT in room…."

Dean tried to ebb his anxiety as he listened to the doctor words. "Oh god…please don't do this Sammy."

Doctor Kirkland waited at the door as two nurses bought a gurney in for Sam. "Dean, I don't know where your father is, but you need to get him here fast"

OoOoOoO

Dean and John waited restlessly. Doctor Kirkland said the CT was only going to take no more than an hour and the tests he ordered for Sam were not suppose to take this long. It had been hours since they took a very agitated Sam away.

"Dad?" Dean paused, "Do you think Sam got that Septicemia Doctor Kirkland was concerned about?"

"Dean, your brother is going to be fine; it's just a little setback. He'll be as hyperactive as ever by the end of the week." John coaxed as he smile sadly at Dean.

"We're studying the lymphatic system is Anatomy class. Dr. Surles said that after a splenectomy you're susceptible to septicemia, because the spleen filters and cleanses blood. What if it happens to Sam? It has a high mortality rate dad."

"First of all Dean, your brother is a Winchester, he's strong. He's not going down unless it is swinging. And you better believe it won't be against an infection. You understand?" John looked at Dean to make sure he really understood. "Secondly, you pay attention in you pay attention to other stuff besides the female anatomy. I'm surprised."

Dean smile, "I'm hurt, you really think I'm that frivolous."

"Now I know you're not my Dean…frivolous. What are you Sam junior?" Dean laughed, it was a nice distraction, and he needed it for however long he could get it. Him and his father both.

"Knock, Knock!" Dean and John turned around, replacing there banter with stone-faced expressions as they confronted Dr. Kirkland. "Sorry to interrupt your repartee and all that jazz, but I have someone who wants to join the party." He said as two orderlies rolled Sam into the room. He looked tired, but he was awake and smiling.

"Do we have good news or is Sam high as a kite on the good stuff?" Dean said wanting answers. He and his father had waited too long on baited breath and they wanted a breath of relief.

"I have some good news, some bad news. You choose." He said quickly.

"I don't care just give me some news, we need it." John said half-heartedly.

"Well first off, Sam doesn't have internal bleeding in his abdomen. On the other had he was developing an infection at the surgical site on the stomach, and we caught it in good time. It hadn't developed into septicemia, so we are treating him with a strong antibiotic and lots of fluids. So, no setbacks, Sam will still be out of here in a week or two and moving along with his recovery. How does that sound?"

"Surprisingly good, we were starting to think Winchester luck was going to kill this family." Dean brooded.

"Well maybe that Winchester luck is changing for the better." Dr. Kirkland said as he turned and left the broken family in his wake.

_Well, that was the revised chapter, hope you all approve- and don't forget to press the cute little purple button and review_


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